so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
So vagazzling was a success
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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