I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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