Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
