My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
