btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Randomize
