2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
