Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
