Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Randomize
