I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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