Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
