Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
