First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
