My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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