tonight lets celebrate not being married
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
