I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
