I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
