you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
