you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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