i permit you to call me
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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