I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
