In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
zippers are such a cool invention
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
