why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
