good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
