you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
