Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
