apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
