let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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