Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
