Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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