Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
White coat. Heels.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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