your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
