One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
