This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
