Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
