You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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