weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
