Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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