Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
