Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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