everyone is single if you try hard enough
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
