So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
