Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
