so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
