I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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