I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
