He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
