Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
