he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
