i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
