bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
