I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I came so hard my ears popped.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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