Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
