Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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