i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize