First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
there was a trapeze. enough said
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
