She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
