Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
