apparently the secret to your success is patron
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
