oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
