do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
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Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
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I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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