OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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