i don't like sucking hair
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
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I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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