So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
