You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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