you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.