im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.