At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
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