What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
pop tarts are not kleenex
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
