God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
