I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
