while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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