I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
