found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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