actually, I'm a sock model
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
