theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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