he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
