But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
