super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
