Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
