Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
