Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
