Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
