if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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