now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
