this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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