We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
