you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
